the peeing bear

So I matched with this guy before but nothing really happened.
but this time we started to talk a bit sexy talk.
You know how I roll (rolling my eyes).
In his pictures and on snap he looks like a cuddly grizzly bear, a brown bear.
Very sweet, safe and someone you just want to snuggle up with.

well, fury bear.
with a lot of beard.
and chest hair.
you know, that kind of bear.

when I first met him in real life he couldn't look me in the eyes, it was like he was like stevie wonder on crack. I started to get a bit self conscious. didn't he like me? was I not like my pictures.
and he seemed so hyper.
like a teenaged bear with adhd.
but he kept talking about the next time we would see each other so I figured I looked hot as hell.

Then came the day. I was a bit weirded out after our first meeting but I figured he had been nervous and he'd probably be chill this time around.
He wasn't.
We went to my place and the first thing he did was to go to the loo.
Fair enough.
But he didn't close the door.
DIDN'T.CLOSE.THE.DOOR.

I first thought I was a part of candid camera.

Hello, you can come out now.

You already freaked me out.

But there was no camera crew.

I ran into my bedroom but the sound was cutting through the open door.

Fine. I can deal with this. I dated a guy for over 4 years and we never had the door open but still I can deal with this.

I'm cool.

I'M VERY COOL!

When he was done (yes, it was kinda hard for me to miss that), I showed him around my apartment and he liked that I was artsy (don't they all? *wink*).

He went in to my bedroom, took off his clothes and lay down in my bed.

Yes, you heard right.

He took off his clothes and lay down in my bed.

again, now with an attitude.

no, I think you got the point.

I turned to my imaginary friends and did the wtf face.

Are we going to sleep now? I asked.

No, he said.

That didn't help me at all. What was going on?

There was nothing to do but to undress myself awkwardly and put myself under the sheets beside him. Now what?

The following feature has been rated R by the motion picture association of people who can't handle secondary embarrassment - viewer discretion is advised.